i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
