sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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