it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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