well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
a search helicopter?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
