If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
