Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
