Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
