If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
