you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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