i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
