matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she looked like the before picture.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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