Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's the barista slut.
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
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I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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