are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
