yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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