I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
