He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
