He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
