Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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