His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
