Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
