I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
