I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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