I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
