I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
