So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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