Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
