I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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