im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
