I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
