We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your penis caused this!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
