Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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