well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
