I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
