cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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