K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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