Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
not ubering you a puppy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
