i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
