just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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