update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
