My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
