Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
