Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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