Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
