You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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