I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
