I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
