So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
