there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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