i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
