bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
