He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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