Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
