how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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