I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
