I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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