Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my being single is dangerous.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
