I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is Oprah even human
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
