I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
