that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
