Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
