i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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