I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
